Rhode Non-Island
To the People of the Great State of Rhode Island,
I am writing to inform you that your State is not an island. You are kindly requested to cease and desist from advertising your state's island identity.
I don't quite know where to begin with how wrong this is. Where I come from, if you are not an island, you do not go around calling yourself an island. There is a fundamental question of integrity at stake here.
More than the dishonesty of the poorly named great state is the fact that many of my friends knew that Rhode Island was not an island, and failed in their duty to tell me so. I have spent many, many a year keeping Rhode Island safely tucked in the "Islands-to-visit" category, all in vain. In fact, I was planning to visit Rhode Island... Imagine my surprise when I learned from, of all things, Google Maps, that you are not the Island that you claimed to be. This is the type of thing that men in dark suits come to your door to tell you, and I had to learn it from the internet.
Contrary to popular belief, not everyone can be an island. Carrying the island identity requires, in general, an odd accent, higher than normal levels of unemployment and a non-conformist streak.
Should your state wish to become a genuine island in the future, your case will be revisited. In the meantime, please refrain from deceiving the entire world as to your hydro-geographical identity.
I am writing to inform you that your State is not an island. You are kindly requested to cease and desist from advertising your state's island identity.
I don't quite know where to begin with how wrong this is. Where I come from, if you are not an island, you do not go around calling yourself an island. There is a fundamental question of integrity at stake here.
More than the dishonesty of the poorly named great state is the fact that many of my friends knew that Rhode Island was not an island, and failed in their duty to tell me so. I have spent many, many a year keeping Rhode Island safely tucked in the "Islands-to-visit" category, all in vain. In fact, I was planning to visit Rhode Island... Imagine my surprise when I learned from, of all things, Google Maps, that you are not the Island that you claimed to be. This is the type of thing that men in dark suits come to your door to tell you, and I had to learn it from the internet.
Contrary to popular belief, not everyone can be an island. Carrying the island identity requires, in general, an odd accent, higher than normal levels of unemployment and a non-conformist streak.
Should your state wish to become a genuine island in the future, your case will be revisited. In the meantime, please refrain from deceiving the entire world as to your hydro-geographical identity.
posted by Lt Smash at 5:56 PM
1 Comments:
Nor is it a road. Imagine the confusion, embarrassment, and frustration of those who thought it was both a road and an island. And as your writing makes clear, all of these unpleasant feelings could have been avoided with a more fitting name.
Post a Comment
<< Home