An Improbable Parable

The small desire crept up the winding staircase to the tower where the grey bearded man held court in front of yellowing old book. He had made it all the way up from the basement and was somewhat out of breath. A bead of perspiration trickled down from his brow onto his metal framed glasses that hugged his nose. The sound of his footsteps was light an

He knocked on the tall wooden door, barely reaching the hand knocker and letting the ring slip from his hands once. Once was all that was necessary.

"Enter," said the auditor-wizard.

The desire opened the door quietly, entered with trepidation. He stood, as though at attention, and waited to be seated. There was no use being nervous, because he had had a year to think of this interview.

"Sit down. You are slightly late. What kept you?" asked the auditor-wizard.

"Oh, I simply underestimated the time it would take to climb the stairs," squeaked the small desire. "I could swear that you add 2 more flights of stairs every year to your tower."

"And why shouldn't I? Every year, I see a little bit further over the horizon. But don't worry, you will not be here next year to see the new stairs. Now, to the point. Let me verify your standing. You are Gin, and you are in the Vices department, is that correct?"

"I am Gin, but I object to being in the Vices department. I am most comfortable with the virtues, and the Vice department is shrinking every year. I would like to be considered for the new position opening up in Virtue."

"Do you know what it takes to be a virtue?" asked the auditor-wizard gravely.

"Virtues are what you say they are." said the small desire.

"Virtues bring in other virtues. They interact with one another, and bond easily." explained the grey-bearded man.

"So do vices! That means I could be a virtue too!" said Gin slyly.

"I'm sorry my young desire, you have not fully understood. You were brought here by another vice, I believe that it was Rebellion, and you fit in quite nicely to the mix. Especially with Vermouth and Olives. But I'm afraid that the time has come for us to move on. We have begun to let your colleagues go, and we have only held on to the most essential and pleasing vices. Your work is costing more and more, and bringing in less and less. Moreover, the more vices we have here, the less virtues we are able to bring in. They simply won't be easily associated with your kind."

Gin's heart was sinking by the minute. He was only a young desire, and he had only been around for a few years. He really had not had the chance to make a good impression.

"I think that if I was given more chance to prove myself, that you would be surprised." said Gin hopefully.

"The problem is that you surprise us everytime you are around. Many of these surprises have cost us dearly. One of our virtues, Reputation, was severely put out by your performance last time. I believe the incident had something to do with..."

"Oh, that. That was really quite unexpected. I was very inexperienced at that time, and I simply needed more practice and confidence," explained Gin.

"We are shrinking the Vice department, very slowly but surely. We need the office space down there to reinforce the foundations. We will be continuing with renovations, and adding some positions in the Virtue department. The best offer I can give you, because you are such a small desire, and you take up so little room, is that we will place you on probation and offer you six month contract. In the mean time, I suggest that you keep a low profile and make friends with the Virtues."

Gin frowned. Job security as a vice is usually a sure thing. He sure didn't like the idea of working for Virtues such as Reputation, or worse yet, Patience.

"Thank you Mr. Auditor. I believe the time has come for me to pursue other opportunities and spend more time with my family."

"I knew that we could come to an agreement, my young desire."