Preemptive New Years Resolutions

Why wait for New Years to begin the process of self-loathing and criticism that ultimately yields such wonderful self-help advice that is the New Years resolution? In particular, it seems logical to me to fix whatever it is that needs fixing before New Years, so as to be in a particularly perfect state of grace at the beginning of 2007. So, here are my pre-New Years resolutions:

1. Run faster.
2. Jump higher.
3. Read faster.
4. Drive slower.
5. Think longer.
6. Care more.
7. Eat slower.
8. Eat better.

I should be able to get that all done by the end of December. Therefore, I won't need to have any resolutions for the next year. What a deal.